My Thoughts
Saturday, June 26, 2004
I am feeling kinda frustrated right now.
As most of you know I love kids and youth.
I also have a passion to minister to young woman.
By ministering I mean just developing a relationship to start.
Well, I have been trying to reach out to a teenager close to
my family and it is getting really hard.
I love this girl, don't get me wrong.
I just am not really sure where to go from here.
She has quite a few issues that I don't know how to deal with.
Mark is having a problem with her also.
He just doesn't like her basically.
That is hard for me because he is not very encouraging.
I know God has a plan. I am just not sure what it is yet.
Am I suppose to back off ?
I know I need to love her unconditionally.
That is a given.
At this point I am just not sure how much I am suppose to let her
into our lives.
She is a dishonest person and she is kinda slow.
Those 2 things make the situation very hard.
Am I suppose to trust her with my kids?
Her mom says I can.
I am not even sure this is who am suppose to be ministering to.
I really need prayer on this one because I am pretty confused.
God has put a few teenagers and one young woman on my heart
and the one I am speaking of isn't really one of them.
She just seems to always be around and wants to hang out.
I love her and really appreciate her help with the kids and all.
I just want to do what God wants me to do,
but I don't know what that is right now.
Tonight at Souled Out there was a lot of talk about love.
One of the things said was that we need to love Jesus
like we did in the beginning.
As if we were newlyweds basically.
Then love will just pour out naturally to others.
I am just trying to figure out if that fits in here at all?
I am thinking it does, but not sure how.
There was also a cartoon that someone had drawn that said
Hate the sin.
Love the sinner.
Not sure what the picture was, but anyway.
This all has me kinda confused.
Thursday, June 24, 2004
Well, I am not really sure where this is gonna go.
I am still trying to process everything that happened in court yesterday.
First I want to say that I stayed pretty calm until the end.
I was able to talk to Cassandra (Eternity's bio mom) and not be judgemental.
That was just amazing.
We got to court about 20 minutes late.
Cassandra was 45 minutes late.
Up until she arrived I was pretty relieved she wasn't there.
Cassandra started handing out tracks and witnessing to people.
She told this one lady that they were gonna take her daughter
and that it was o.k.
I was happy to hear that.
Didn't really understand how it could be o.k.,
but was happy and relieved to hear it.
Then the 3 of us and the caseworker were talking and Cassandra
starts saying how happy she is that Eternity will be brought up
as a believer.
Again this is reassurance to me that if they terminate she won't appeal.
Well, finally at 4 P.M. they did terminate rights.
Oh my gosh, I was so happy !!!!
Still am I might add.
Well, Cassandra's lawyer informed her that she had the right to appeal.
Her response was "oh o.k."
So right now we are praying that she won't appeal in the next 30 days.
Tuesday, June 22, 2004
Well, I am tired so this will be short.
I will explain more later, but I had to share.
They terminated Eternity's biological mom's right.
Now we just have to pray she does not appeal in the
next 30 days.
Will share more later.
Monday, June 14, 2004
Christian Days - Part 5
Well, we have had almost 20 kids through our home
since we became foster parents.
Some situations have been good
and some have been bad.
To be honest they all have been hard.
People kept telling me that this was my decision.
I don't look at all this as my decision.
I look at it as my dream and purpose in life.
In May of 2000 we met Christopher for the first time.
Man, did I fall hard for this little guy.
Well, it was a long 2 years until he was adopted.
I went through many periods of wanting to give up.
I still do with Eternity.
God is so amazing.
Three days before his adoption was final
we picked up Eternity from the hospital.
I don't think I could have been happier.
God has always put wonderful caseworkers in
my life.
I would not have made it through without them
and the wonderful support from family and friends.
Well, that is pretty much it.
I guess I will get back to blogging poems and stuff.
Thursday, June 03, 2004
Christian Days- Part 4
In June of 1998 Mark and I moved into our house.
It was an exciting and scary time.
We were growing up.
We immediatley started to get involved with an Assembly of God church close to our house.
The congregation was small at the time.
I got involved with the youth group.
We even started making friends.
Not long after we moved to Crystal Lake I lost my job.
That is when I met Pastor Joe and Kim.
I would babysit their girls when they needed.
It is funny looking back on it, but
Faith really hated me.
It was disheartening for us all.
As time went on Kim and I became close friends.
However, Pastor Joe scared me.
I think it was because he was so blunt and to be honest harsh.
Well, a bit later Joe became the Youth Pastor.
Boy, did we have some crazy times.
I have to say it was one of the biggest growing expierence in my life.
I had been suffering from depression for a long time.
I had no self confidence at all.
By that I mean, in the Lord.
I had no clue who I was in Him.
He moved in my life very powerfully during this time.
He renewed my mind and spirit in HIM !!!
Well, also during this time Mark and I were going through classes to become foster parents.
That was an ordeal let me tell ya.
Nothing is sacred.
We had to go through sooo mcuh of our past.
Now when I think about it that is probally part of the reason for the depression.
In March of 1999 we got our first foster child.
He was a 13 year old, who was a handful.
We brought him to youth every Saturday.
He was able to make at least 1 pretty good friend.
He dedicated his life to Christ on Easter.
That Mother's Day was soooo hard.
I was feeling sorry for myself, because I didn't have biological kids.
I stayed home from church.
Well, the doorbell rang.
It was Kim.
She talked with me and basically told me I needed to be with the family GOD gave me.
WOW!!!
That sure hit home.
I went back to church with her.
My foster son sat there with his arm around me the entire service.
Man, did I weep !!!
I was being so ungrateful for that God had given me.
In July my foster son's 4 yr. old twin brothers moved in.
Talk about shock.
I was sooo exhausted.
The 3 boys had me running, but I was loving it.
I dedicated my life to helping them heal.
I, Pastor Joe and Kim decided I needed to step back from youth.
That was so hard.
I cried a lot,
but these 3 boys needed me.
They ended up going to live with their fathers.
That broke me.
I thought that I would never recover.
I just had to trust in the Lord.
The 13 yr. old was a very special kid.
All kids were special, but he stole my heart.
We were very close.
Praise Jesus that I still hear from him and he comes to visit.
I think that is what made it worth while.
Just to know that we had touched his life so much that,
he wants to keep in contact really helped.
To be continued...........
