This is something that I did for a retreat when I first was saved!!!


My name is Cheryl McKay. Today I will be talking to you about renewal.

I was born September 3, 1966, in Palatine, IL., to Keith and Theresa McKay. I have 4 older half brothers; Jeff, Steve, Doug and Michael, from my mothers first marriage. I have 2 older half-sisters; Sandy and Laurie, fom my fathers first marraige. When I was 9 months old my parents were divorced. i haven't seen my father since I was 2 or 3 years old. He was an alcoholic. My mother wouldn't let me see him when he was intoxicated. That always made me sad. I guess I thought it was me. I thought that I was bad. I didn't understand that he has a disease and he couldn't help it. No one every explained to me that God could comfort me because He was my real Father. maybe I wouldn't have felt so sad and lonely if someone had.

When I was 5 years old my brother Jeff went to live with his father in Florida. That made me sad and I really missed him. I was also mad that he left during my birthday party.

Because neither of our fathers would pay child support our mother had to work a lot. I went to daycare and had the neighbors baby-sit me. It was fun. I liked being around all the other kids. When my brothers were old enough they started to watch me. I was 8 years old at the time. It was fun at first. They ler me hang around with them and their friends. I thought that I was cool. Then they started using alcohol and drugsin front of me on a pretty regular basis. They always had friends over and were always high. Some of their friends lived with us on and off. There were some nasty fights during that time and it was pretty scary for me. I knew that they were out of control. When I would get upset about it my brothers friends would comfort me - NOT THEM!!!

Eph 4 vs. 14-16
Then we shall no longer be children, carried by the waves and blown about by every shify wind of the teaching of deceitful men, who lead others into error by the tricks they invent. Instead of speaking the Truth ina spirit of love, we must grow up in every way to Christ, who is the head.

When I was 9 years old my brother Steve went into the Army. That was also very hard for me. He had always protected me, so I thought. Somewhere in all this my mom met my step-dad Frank. They lived together on and off for a long time. They finally got married. I thought that God had finally answered my prayers. I was so happy. I finally had a daddy. My heart was fulfilled, or so I thought. I used his lastname on one of my school papers and my teacher told me that he would have to adopt me first. I wanted him to so bad, but he never did.

Frank was never around much and when he was he and my mom just fought constantly. The divorce came as kind of a relief. I was sad, but at least the fighting stopped. I still saw him a lot and at least the fight stopped.

I was about 12 years old when all this was going on. it was also at this time that I first tried alcohol and drugs. I didn't drink or use much, but when I did it felt good. It made me happy.

During this time my other 2 brothers moved out. Michael was married and in the Marines and Doug was in jail in Florida.

I started ditching school and disobeying my mother. I had friends over a lot, mostly boys. No one was home for a couple hours after I got home from school so we would be obnoxiuos and smoke cigarettes. Nothing serious. I bit too much and a bit too forceful for 12 year olds. It was a awkward time for me.

I started going to church once in a while with some friends. I also started reading the Bible. It all was new and exciting. We had never been a very religious family. I really did want God in my life. It was just that boys and partying seemed more exciting.

Being aware that there was this special God and that He wasn't a part of my life depressed me. On New Years Eve I was so depressed I decided to chop off all my hair. I felt so ugly on the inside I wanted to be ugly on the outside too. I didn't like myself at all.

To be continued tomorrow......



- posted by Cheryl @ 9:22 PM