My Thoughts
Wednesday, March 31, 2004
I was inspired to share these by Karen. I wrote these at some point after my oldest brother died. He basically drank himself to death. They don't have titles or dates. I don't think I ever planned to share these, but feel like I need to now.
You were my big brother,
My protector,
My mentor in life.
I admired you for all of you-
stengths and weakness's.
I wanted to be just like you.
You were cool-
always so cool.
Now I can't be like you anymore.
Following in your footsteps;
I won't do.
The dark part of me wants to,
but I can't.
PAIN
You went to the left
and I am going to the right.
Here is the other one.
I miss our talks;
I miss the laughs;
I miss the tears.
You were such a major part of my heart;
and now my heart is empty.
I miss the sharing;
I miss the caring;
You filled a void in my life.
And now it is a crater.
I miss you;
Your gone now.
Never to return.
There is nothing to do,
but miss you;
mourn you;
grieve you.
Will it ever end?
Monday, March 29, 2004
Here are two poems I shared at church today and I wanted to share them here also.
Mother
(written 9-26-91)
You always say you love me.
You say you care,
but you never listen when I talk.
You say you don't want me to go,
but yet I am never here.
You try,
I know you try.
Sometimes words aren't enough.
I hate it.
It tears at my soul.
It rips at my heart.
You'll never know the pain.
I would never hurt you that way.
My heart yearns for your unconditional
love and support.
Please don't walk away when I am bad.
I am not always bad,
Am I?
I just want you to be proud.
Sunlight
(written 3-3-91)
For so long you were the sunlight of my days,
the stars in my nights,
the air I would breathe.
Since you've been gone
I've tried
and tried to replace that.
I never found it.
I've quit trying to replace it
and I think I have found it.
Not in a human,
but in God.
In Him I have found
what I always wanted from you.
It's been hard and
i miss you sometimes.
The road seemed endless,
but I do believe I found
the fork in that winding road.
Friday, March 26, 2004
Cheryl,
Try this definition of fear:
Faith's Enemy Arresting Repose
A little clarification is due on my choice for the last two words.
Arrest (Trans Verb)
1a. To bring to a stop
1b. To make inactive
2 To take or keep in custody
3 To catch suddenly or engagingly
Repose (Noun)
1. The act of resting or the state of being at rest
2. Freedom from worry; peace of mind
3. Calmness; tranquility
Reposed, reposing, reposes (tans verb)
1. To lay (oneself) down
2. To rest or relax (oneself)
(intrans verb)
1. To lie at rest
2. To lie while being supported by something
Satan uses fear to bring a stop to our peace of mind; to take custody of our calmness and tranquility. When we are fearful it is impossible to find rest. Our freedom from worry is stolen from us. We are unable to lie down or lay our lives down for others.
The first three verses of Psalm 23 come to mind:
1. The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want. 2. He makes me lie down in green pastures, 3. he leads me beside quiet waters, 4. he restores my soul.
When we find ourselves overcome with fear we need to turn to Our Shepherd and ask him to lead us to those quiet waters and lie us down in the green pastures so that we may find our rest and have our peace and tranquility resored.
Another great verse is Matthew 11 28-30:
28 "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."
Jesus does not want us to be overwhelmed by fear, He wants us instead to lay our budrens down before Him. and he will give us our rest.
With all His love,
Mark
Thursday, March 25, 2004
Here goes. This is a very personal part of me. I hope you all like it. My poetry teacher didn't, but oh well.
Girlish Dreams
(written 5-2-91)
So confused is the mind of a little girl,
so crushed is her heart,
so empty is her young soul.
How the whole world can change for a little girl;
in just on day.
all the girlish dreams shattered;
so quickly.
The trusting little girl;
she'll be no more.
Wednesday, March 24, 2004
On Saturday a group of people were talking about our church touching the youth in Volo. They were talking about doing youth on Friday's. Mark replied that if they wanted it on Friday's and if they wanted him to be a part of it pray him a day job. Which they all committed to do. Well, the phone rang this morning and it was a possible offer for a day job! Praise God!!! We will see that HE has in store with this. Please be praying about this it would be a wonderful thing for our family also.
Tuesday, March 23, 2004
God
(written 8-25-90
God;
Kind
Understanding
Loving
Powerful
Caring
Humorous
Gentile but,
Firm
Forgiving
Patient
Comforting
Friendly
Guiding
Secure
knowledgeable
Nurturing
MY SAVIOR.
Sunday, March 21, 2004
Powerless
(written 10-2-90)
Being powerless can really suck.
It can be so frustrating at times,
life never seems to go right.
The funny thing is if I give in to it,
I can be happy.
I just have to remember.....
God is in control.....
NOT ME.
He is all knowing.......
NOT ME.
Saturday, March 20, 2004
The reason why I picked this one to share is because that is where I am at.
For those who don't know (which is probably most) I have a 2 year old foster daughter who we are trying to adopt. We go to court April 2 for possible termination of her biological parental rights. I always get anxious before court dates, but more so before big ones. I went through the same thing when we adopted our 4 year old. I am struggling with learning to move on , improve how I handle it......Whatever. I am upset and want it done more so because I found out yesterday that during visits Eternity(my daughter) is calling her bio mom "mommy". I know that it is not a term of endearment or anything, but it still hurts. Please be praying for us and the results of the court date. I soooo emotionally need this to be done.
Thank you guys so much for all of your encouragement. It helps when I start feeling uncomfortable about this.
Okay well here is another one I wrote.
Fear
(written 3-25-93)
Fear......
it blows like the wind;
pushing....
pushing.......
and pushing......
over the edge.
Fear....
it runs like a panther;
faster........
faster......
and faster.........
into the jungle.
Fear...........
it roars like a lion;
louder.........
louder..........
and louder............
until you are aware of nothing else.
Friday, March 19, 2004
The World
(written 8-1-90)
Sometimes the world seems so unfair.
It seems so cruel.
I want to change the world.
All the evil gets to me.
I Just want to scream.
I don't understand it all.
That is just the way it has to be.
It's not for me to know.
I am tired of trying to figure it out.
ALL I CAN DO IS PRAY !
I AM NOT GOD !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thursday, March 18, 2004
Just to let you know not all of my writing will be spiritual.
Some will just be what it is......
a part of me.
I hope that you guys enjoy this as much as I am.
Also, to let you know this isn't the easiest thing for me
to do. I usually have a hard time letting people in,
but God is changing that.
Wednesday, March 17, 2004
I Want to Know
(written 7-24-90)
God's love for His children never dies.
We turn away from our Creator.
This I sometimes don't understand.
Why do I turn away from something....
so great,
so wonderful,
and so free?
I just cause myself.....
more pain,
more discomfort
and more despair.
Why do I walk away from.....
comfort,
nurturing,
security
and shelter
when that is all I ever wanted?
I may never know.
I don't need to know.
All I need....
is to be aware
and have faith.
God's Love
There is nothing like the comfort of God.
No man can make me feel like God does.
God never let's me down.
No friend can comfort me the way God does.
God is never too busy.
Family can't comfort me like God can.
God is never bias.
The Light
In all good there is bad &
in all bad there is good.
If you look at the negative....
there is only negative.
If you look at the positive......
there is only positive.
All situations have both.
Having patience through the bad &
with the negative is where it is at.
There is always Light at the end of the tunnel.
Sometimes through the darkness its real dim,
but it is there.
For me today that Light is Jesus.
